Ali's Dance
Last night, as I was sleeping, I dreamt – marvelous error!
That a fiery sun was giving light inside my heart.
It was fiery because I felt Warmth as from a hearth,
And sun because it gave Light
And brought tears to my eyes.
Last night, as I was sleeping, I dreamt – marvelous error!
That it was God I had here inside my heart.
-Antonio Machado
-Antonio Machado
Dogwood in Spring
Holga CFN120 / iso120
North Carolina 2014
He had come here to think and to forget...
The last few years had been spent travelling and observing the ways of the world. Ali thought long and often of the story his mother and mentor had revealed to him that day several years ago and had come to embrace the blessing of his life’s beginning with gratitude.
Yet he felt uneasy. Travel was the only activity which seemed to soothe his restless nature. And it was on one of these journeys that he had met her.
In an open marketplace in a faraway city he spied a young woman working alongside her parents in their simple market stall. She appeared only a shy teenager but her extraordinary beauty and quiet gracefulness struck his senses so completely that he knew he must come to know her.
Over the course of the following year, Ali lived and worked near the marketplace and indeed came to know the young woman and her family well.
With an open heart and a loving nature Ali made himself known to the girl and to her family and community. Their world became his world.
During the months that passed Ali and the girl shared many joys together and the ecstasy of human love. Theirs was a connection on all levels which everyone seemed to acknowledge.
They were sublimely happy as Ali’s love grew ever deeper. Every thought was of pleasing his beloved.
Yet in the end, as these things go, it was not meant to be and, therefore, could not be. Ali’s heart was shattered. He made his way to the hermitage where he intended to hide from the world.
And he tried very hard to forget.
Some days his thoughts swirled unmercifully. How could he live his life with this emptiness inside? How could he have come so close only to be denied true love? The pain of separation he felt at times was almost unbearable as he thought only of her. He lived most days with such intense longing that he begged for some resolution, any resolution, to occur.
Would he spend his whole life longing for her?
Would he spend his lifetime with only a memory to embrace?
Ali’s dreams and his waking thoughts were filled with visions of Shireen, the beloved of his soul.
Time passed. Ali, kneeling in the garden one day under waning sunlight and suffering with his heartbreak, heard a woman’s call to him.
“What we seek is found inside our seeking.”
He stopped his idle thoughts and came to sharp awareness. With his eyes still closed, Ali spoke quietly but evenly, “I came here to forget, not to seek.”
Several moments passed. A flight of rushing birds called to one another. A gentle breeze refreshed the garden. He thought of Shireen...
“You came here to remember, Ali” the woman said gently. He looked up and against the glowing sunset saw a woman smiling sweetly, with a look of loving compassion and true concern on her face.
“It is inside the longing, in the pain of the separation, where God is found,” she said. Her words made Ali feel uneasy yet their truth rang true to him.
“What you feel so strongly inside is your own longing for the Divine.” Ali listened as the woman spoke.
“All longing, all sense of separation, however painfully we may come to know it, is the beckoning call of the One,” she continued. “It invites us ever closer, toward true realization of Divine Love and Wisdom. Try to surrender to this, my son. In this way our Creator's infinite mercy and compassion is made manifest. Your work is to transform the powerful love you feel for Shireen into higher love for God.”
“That is why you have come?” Ali now spoke. “To teach me?” His first mother opened her arms and silently bid Ali closer.
“I did not come here to teach you anything, my dear. Not at all - I came so you may shed your tears.” And cry Ali did. He crumpled into his mother’s arms with sobs of sorrow, his body violent with release and exhaustion. Tears from lifetimes of separation and searching flooded his mother’s breast. And there he remained, suspended in timelessness and surrender.
As Ali’s tears gave full expression to his heartbreak and fear, the tension inside him gradually softened as he entered a realm of deeper understanding.
Indeed, all longing at its deepest level is a longing for the Divine. And grieving can become the bridge between separation and union. Ultimately, for all of us, the tears of yearning one day give way to tears of perfect union.
Ali looked into his first mother’s eyes with wondrous recognition as she held him close. What passed between them was not expressed in words. Yet in that moment Ali understood the meaning of her visit along with the promise,
“Close or distant matters not....what matters is connection.”
~
Ali stumbled along the path back to the cottage as moonlight showed the way. He fell into bed exhausted as angels kept their watch. He rose before daybreak and made his way to the garden.
A weakened yet wiser Ali stood and watched the eastern horizon turn several shades of crimson. He breathed deeply of the jasmine and surrounding fields of wildflowers, their fragrance a balm for his still-tender inner being.
He clasped his hands in grateful acknowledgement of all that had come to him and had led him to this place - the threshold of his journey home. Ali knew his path would not be easy, yet he knew he had been given a precious gift. While the young man again breathed deeply of the fresh earth and the morning dew, soft light graced the land with majesty and goodness. As the new day’s sun silently announced its arrival, Ali felt a sense of peace and smiled. He turned and headed for his hermitage, saying to no one in particular, “Now, a pot of tea to revive me!"
~
It was a perfect late summer afternoon. Solstice was near. The scent of honeysuckle lingered in the air. Ali sat back on his heels and raised his eyes toward the setting sun as the glow of dusk filled the garden with golden light and dust motes whirled. The smell of rich earth reminded Ali that a good day’s work was now complete. He leaned further back, closed his eyes and let the warm sun massage his aching muscles.
He thought about the many full cycles of seasons he had spent in this simple hermitage and how the subtle shifts of nature had brought him some measure of peace and contentment amidst his inner turmoil. The simple dwelling and adjacent gardens spoke to him and for him. He was happy to be in solitude and close to nature with days spent planting and pruning and watering, nurturing the garden, caring for his soul. Ali stood and slowly began turning in place - allowing his arms to raise and his back to arch - his head thrown back in abandonment as he gained momentum. He listened only to the music from within as tears glistened on his weathered cheeks.